Horoscopes by Gary the Fairy


Taurus (April 20-May20)
Expect to be bloated and full of gas today.  Simply put, nobody is going to want to hang around you!

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
A bus could hit you today.  If it doesn't happen today then keep an eye out for the bus tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that.

Cancer (June 21-July22)
Most people will think that you are annoying but you already knew that.  As a matter of fact you are starting to annoy me now!

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
Rumors will fly around the office that you are a Ho!  If it isn't true then don't worry about it.  

If it is true then give me your number!

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)
Plan on being a virgin for another year.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)
People find you boring.  As a matter of fact I'm already bored with you and don't plan on finishing this senten.c..e

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
There is an old saying that "loose lips sink ships".  What does this have to do with you?  - Nothing!
Do you have to be the center of the universe all of the time?

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You are just down right goofy.  Don't deny it you goofy bastard!

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
You have a tendency to be a hard worker and spend many hours at the office.  Too bad you aren't any good at your job!

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Keep telling yourself that the goofy outfit you are wearing will come back in style.  However, go buy a new outfit before you join the rest of us in the real world.

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)
Something seems fishy about you today.



If today is your birthday ! - Happy Birthday you old fart.


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